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HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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Remus
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1. HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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A STRANGE GAME.

THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.

HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS?

***

OMGOMGOMG I GOT IT I GOT IT JOSHUA IS MINE ALL MINE AND HE'S ALL HOOKED UP UPSTAIRS AND PURRING BEAUTIFULLY AND I RAN DEUS EX AND IT IS GORGEOUS OMG I HAVEN'T EVEN UPGRADED THE GRAPHICS CARD YET AND IT'S STILL BLOODY AWESOME.

<breathe>

Okay. Joshua is a Compaq 5108US purchased at Best Buy on sale this week. He has a 1.2 GHz AMD Athlon processor, 128 MB SDRAM (which I will upgrade to 256 before the end of the year), a Savage something-or-other graphics card (also being upgraded, probably to a GeForce, but I'd prefer a Voodoo if I can find one), 12x DVD, 8x CD-RW, 40 GB hard drive, JBL speakers, and a Compaq IJ-600 printer. He is bitchin. If nobody sees or hears from me for a few weeks, he is why.
Date: Aug 21, 2001 on 08:38 p.m.
Aurra
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2. Re:HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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Your a geek. Not only are you a geek, you set up an entire new folder just to tell us about your new computer. What a waste of internet space! I mean, you could have just called everybody to tell them! I can't believe I'm related to you...

Anyway, Cicero could kick Joshua's ass any day. But Lucy could kick my not-deserving-of-a-name desktop.
Date: Aug 21, 2001 on 11:43 p.m.
Remus
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3. Re:HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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Nono, sorry, you are on crack, dear cousin. Cicero couldn't even run Deus Ex. Yes, Lucy could probably beat your unnamed desktop -- not because her hardware is better, in any way, shape, or form, but simply because Lucy does not shut off inexplicably every twelve minutes. But no, Cicero would whimper and crawl into a dark corner and try not to look like a threat to massive scary Joshua, for fear that he would be stopped into the dirt mercilessly.

HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS?
Date: Aug 22, 2001 on 07:38 p.m.
Aurra
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4. Re:HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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Cicero could very well run Deus Ex if he wanted to, but you were not kind to Cicero, and therefore he ignored you. Threatning to steal him made him very angry at you.

Chess sucks, lets play Chutes and Ladders instead.
Date: Aug 22, 2001 on 09:46 p.m.
Remus
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5. Re:HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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FEED ME, SEYMOUR, FEEEEEEED ME!

It hungers!

I've fed it every game in the house (except for my sister's Barbie Magic Hairstyler, because Joshua might not ever speak to me again) and it still wants more! This weekend I can bring home my more advanced games from my dad's house, but Christ, it's always hungry! I'm digging deeper and deeper into my game archives, installing stuff like the original Myst, The Journeyman Project, Syndicate, BattleChess, anything I can find to feed it, but it still wants more! And the deeper I dig, the less space the games take up anyway, and the last few are only a meg or two. A meg! That's not even a crumb to Joshua! He doesn't even notice!

After this weekend I should have Hitman back, and I must bring Mechwarrior 3 home too. Maybe I can even get some games from friends.

IT MUST FEEEED!
Date: Aug 23, 2001 on 08:26 p.m.
Aurra
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6. Re:HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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Well, since you bring up "Little Shop of Horrors..."

PLANT:
Feed Me. Feed me. Feeed me.
Feed me Seymour, feed me all night long.
That's right boy, you can do it.
Feed me Seymour, feed me all night long.
hahaha! Cause if you feed me Seymour, I can grow up big and strong.

How'd you like a cadiallac car?
Or a guest shot on Jack Parr?
How 'bout a date with Heady Lamar,
your gonna get it. (If you want it baby)

How'd you like to be a big wheel?
Drivin out, for every meal.
i'm the plant who can make it Allll real,
Your gonna get it (whoo, hoo, hoo)

Hey, I’m your genie, I’m your friend
I’m your willing slave
Take a chance and feed me and
You know the kinda eats, the kinda red hot meats, the sticky, licky sweets I Craaaave

Come on Seymour, don’t be a puts!
**garble**…Surely rival king tut’s
Show a little ‘nitive, work up the guts, your gonna get it.

SEYMOUR:
I don’t knowwwww. I don’t knowwww.
I have soooo. So many strooong, reservations.
Should I goooo, and perform, mutilations?

PLANT:
Think about a room at the Ritz,
Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz
A little nookie gonna clean up those zits
And you’ll get it.

SEYMOUR:
Gee I’d like a Harley Machine,
Tooling around like I was James Dean
Making all the guys on the corner turn green

PLANT:
So go get it! (WHOO HOO HOO)

If you wanna be profound, if you really gotta justify!
Take a breath and look around, a lot of folks deserve to die!

SEYMOUR: (talking) Hey, hey, that’s not a very nice thing to say.
PLANT: (talking) But it’s true, isn’t it?
SEYMOUR: (talking) No, I don’t know anyone who deserves to be chopped up and fed to a hungry plant.
PLANT: (talking) Suuuure you do.
(Outside: Dentist and Audrey) Stupid woman! Christ, what a friggin scatter brain!
I’m Sorry Doctor!
Falls off the motorcycle!
I’m sorry Doctor! (Hits her)

PLANT AND SEYMOUR:
If you wanna rational, it isn’t very hard to see, no no no,
Stop and think it over pal. The guy sure looks like plant food to me
The guy sure looks like plant food to me
The guy sure looks like plant food to meeeeeee.

SEYMOUR:
He’s so nasty, treat’n her rough

PLANT:
Smacking her around and always talking so tough

SEYMOUR:
You need blood and he’s got more then enough!

PLANT:
I need blood and he’s got more then enough!

SEYMOUR AND PLANT:
You/I need blood and he’s got more then enouuughhh.

PLANT:
So go get it.


Who needs Requests and Dedications anyway?
Date: Aug 23, 2001 on 09:12 p.m.
HELLO, PROFESSOR FAULKEN.
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