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Old Guard / IF Central Command Post / Barracks / IA Quadrant - Barracks, #17
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Emotions Legend
[quote][b]Kat (Nov 14, 2002 05:52 p.m.):[/b] Mode finally left, and Kat was free to wallow in her own misery. Not ten minutes had passed before her mood shifted again, and suddenly she was lonely. Why'd he have to leave? Didn't he know how sick she was, couldn't he tell that she needed him? Irrational resentment began to build as she huffed and gave the mattress a childish kick... and then just as quickly her equilibrium gave a twist and she retreated to the bathroom to retch over the sink. [i]Mode... please come back... It hurts, it hurts.[/i] She fell asleep on the bathroom floor, the tile cold and soothing to her fever, but it was a restless sleep and she woke not long after. The crook of her arm was sore, a little bruised where the doctor had drawn blood, and Kat touched the spot and pouted. There wasn't anything wrong. He hadn't had to do that; it was completely unnecessary, and Mode was just worrying for no reason. She'd wake up tomorrow and be fine, perfectly fine. He'd see. A little of her nausea lifted this time, as she pushed herself upright, and Kat managed to shuffle her way back into their room. Propped up in bed, she discovered that sitting didn't make her head spin, not right now, and she was beginning to feel as if maybe she'd been overreacting to this entire silly thing when the desk beeped. Uncharacteristic optimism told her that it was only the doctor, reassuring her that it was nothing but a simple virus, and Kat plodded over to the terminal to read his missive. It was not a simple virus. [i]There's a mistake. There has to be. I can't... that isn't possible. No. No. I won't do it.[/i] She sank to the floor and closed her eyes. If she didn't see, it wasn't true. [i]I... I don't want to be like my mother.[/i] Kat was pregnant. [i]"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Terrence..."[/i] No. She screamed it the second time and struck out wildly with her fists, hitting the desk, hitting the chair; when that wasn't enough, she hit herself, and the pain shook her awake. When she managed to struggle to her feet, her head spun and the room whirled, and Kat toppled over again. This time she gave up on walking and instead crawled to the bed, reaching up to tug the blanket down to where to lay. She curled on the floor, hidden from view of the door, hoping that Mode wouldn't come back, that he wouldn't see her if he did. She was afraid; of him, for him, and for herself... and it frightened her so badly that, for once, Kat wasn't capable of anger. [i]They can make it go away. They must do it all the time. Then... then I won't die. I'll be fine, and Mode will never have to know. He wouldn't want this anyway, he wouldn't. He'll be angry. I won't tell him, and I'll get better, and it'll be like I was never sick.[/i] She entertained the idea briefly, too briefly for her own liking, before she was forced to admit that it was the single violence she knew she'd never do. [i]Daddy always told me he wished I never was born. I can't do that. What if they'd done that, to me?[/i] If only Mode would return and make it all better. He could decide, and she would be spared the choice... and maybe it'd all go away. [i]I don't want to die. Not anymore.[/i][/quote]
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