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Old Guard / Elsewhere / Warp / K & A - Potentialities
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Emotions Legend
[quote][b]Kat (Oct 07, 2004 02:01 p.m.):[/b] Kat did not have to be told that she failed. One morning the guards came and handed her a pair of scrubs, and she knew. On some unconscious level, too deep for her to acknowledge, she'd been waiting for it. Still, for a moment she refused to accept it, but one look at the faded clothes in her hands was all the proof she needed, and Kat quietly changed and let them lead her back downstairs. They took her to a different ward, a different room, but she didn't notice. She just went into her room and did not come out. She slept, mostly, stared at the ceiling whenever she was awake, and did not move. The weight of her disappointment held her in place, and she found that she had no appetite, no anger, no will. It didn't seem to matter. The only emotion she could muster was a lack of any emotion at all, and Kat just lay there and let her silent apathy smother her. For two weeks she stayed there, losing the weight she'd gained until she was down to muscle and bones again, forgetting her hope of release until her eyes burned empty and uncaring. For two weeks she slept and stared and dreamed. Then one day, she woke up [i]furious[/i]. And she stayed that way. Fury gave her strength, and she used that strength against anyone she saw. It did not matter who, or why. She simply hated everyone; all of Charybdis, the world... herself. Every day it grew, and she fed it, with all the things that had ever hurt her. Her father. Jax. James' abandonment. The promise that Reynolds had made. Mode's parole. All these things were fuel, and she tortured herself with them, and the fire grew. Kat spent most of her time in solitary, but when she was out, she was fighting. She found Sandre, and made him tell her all the people who had hurt him, and then she hurt them in return. She found Burr, and all the boys he had left, and this time she killed him. She sought out anyone who would fight her, anyone who wouldn't, and when there was no one left, she hurt herself. She had lost the restraints that she'd had before, and she did whatever she wanted, whenever. There were no consequences anymore that could frighten her. They could not offer her the possibility of parole, because she'd already had it, and she'd already lost it. They could not threaten her with the labs, because she'd already been, and she'd already survived. Nothing they did now mattered. Nothing she did mattered. Somewhere in the endless days and endless nights, she discovered Crystal Bliss. Before, drugs were something she never would have considered. They had tortured her with them in the labs, and she had seen what they could do to the people who were addicted to them. She remembered what they felt like. She remembered the junkie who had attacked Mode. Kat swore that she wouldn't touch it. One hit was all it took. Suddenly she was invincible. She was no longer a small, scared girl, trying to survive with nothing but a knife; no, she was a goddess, all power and inhumane strength and unholy fury. For someone who had never had power, it was intoxicating. She looked at her own hands and felt real, felt like she'd been given something that the world had cheated her out of the day she was born, and Kat smiled. It took fifteen guards to take her down. She killed two of them. They finally beat her nearly unconscious and dumped her in solitary. There, she slowly recovered, wishing desperately for another taste, and knowing she would never leave Charybdis. Sometimes they came in and sedated her, and she did not fight them; it was easier to endure the dark when she couldn't think about it, and some time during her long, long stay, she woke up from another drugged sleep and saw Asmodeus watching her. This wasn't solitary, this wasn't her room, and her head spun from the drugs and from trying to understand what was happening. She barely managed to roll over before she was gagging. They hadn't fed her recently and so there was nothing in her stomach, but it burned all the same, and there were tears in her eyes when she curled up and looked to him. "I thought you were gone," she said, relieved and accusing at once, her voice raspy. "Where are we?"[/quote]
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