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Old Guard / IF Central Command Post / Barracks / Level 1, Section E, Room 3
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Emotions Legend
[quote][b]Donovan (Aug 14, 2001 03:28 a.m.):[/b] Don was too surprised when his brother hugged him to respond, but he recovered quickly. There was only one response he could have made. They were twins. Donovan hugged his brother back tightly. It felt good, because Donovan hadn't felt close to his brother since they'd left the station, and bad, because he hadn't hugged his brother in a long time, for the same reason he didn't hug himself. There had been no need; there was nothing to reassure. They had simply been together, and immune to the world because of it. No one else had been [i]real[/i] to them, not really, not even the other creche children, when they were allowed to interact. Not until Dante. Dante had broken his lifetime of reserve in a pitifully brief amount of time, his firsthand insight into her shattered life giving him a glimpse of her reality he had been unable to set aside. In the space of a few days, he had lost the insulating shield that was vital to his existence and fallen in love. He remembered Dominic's terrified rage when he told him, their frantic scrambling to find a way to make Dominic understand before review hit. Unable to pull his brother out of the trap he'd fallen into, Dominic had done the only other thing he could to remain by his side; he'd taken Rox's hand and jumped in after him. As frightening as the new territory was, they would be in it together, and Donovan had begun to feel safe again. And then Mode had taken their fragile new existence and broken it into little pieces. He'd been resigned to losing Dante eventually, after their six months until graduation was up, but he hadn't realized until he'd been in the infirmary with a broken neck how little he'd thought things through. He did not belong to himself. He belonged to the Creche. How could he give himself to one person, to [i]any[/i] person, when he did not own himself to give? Dante was lost to him, unless the Creche happened to place him close enough to her for their love to continue. At any moment, he and Dominic could be removed without explanation and without choice and placed on Earth, on a ship, millions of miles away from Dante and anyone else he ever considered loving. Dominic would be with him; Dominic was safe. He had no power of decision over his fate, and that meant anyone he ever loved could be nothing more to him than a brief interlude, subject to immediate and eternal separation at the whim of his masters. In his life, Donovan had only loved his brother and Dante. Donovan did not know how to give love that tolerated the possiblity of unending separation. He knew Dominic must also be suffering, but only with his mind. His heart was too wounded to consider anyone but himself. What good would it be now to trade letters with Dante, when he had no assurance of seeing her again? They could be shipped away tomorrow. Even should they remain on the IF Command Post for the rest of their lives, would Dante? If she did...what of it? They could never marry, never have children. They would be doomed to a perennial state of stealthy intermediate affection, never allowed to show it openly, never allowed to progress. Why go through that pain, when there would never be a happy resolution? He didn't have the answers to those questions. Because he didn't, it hadn't occurred to him that Dominic might. That Dom might have thought of something he had not made him more aware of the gulf that had grown between them, and he tightened his grip, buried his face against his brother's shoulder and tried to ignore the few bitter tears that leaked from his tightly shut lids.[/quote]
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